Self-love: it has never been my forte. Maybe power, creativity, intuition, world domination…but not ‘self-love’. Self-love always sounded too fluffy to me. Yet here I am, leading a self-love retreat in two days. How did this happen?
We’ve all heard that it’s really all about love…that love is the matrix, love is all there is, love is ‘fill in the blank’. But what does it really even mean?
I had caught a glimpse of the rapture of love during a few ceremonial moments when on psychotropic drugs; but how could I sustain this in my everyday life, and moreover show it to the rest of the world? I remained cynical when faced with the everyday sentimental notion of self-love.
I knew that I needed to reframe my relationship to self-love, because as a Scorpio rising, a concept must be laced with mystery to turn me on. So for the time being I parked the word self-love on a shelf, along with nirvana, bliss and chakra balancing. And I went deep into my alchemical laboratory
In the following weeks, I began to feel my heart burn. And it kept burning. So I checked in with myself to see if there was something wrong with me physically, or if there was a change in my emotional field that would warrant me feeling tight. Nothing. It was my heart opening and a new alchemical process beginning. The fire was a gift. It had no cause.
This new energy began to trickle down into my womb and all of those hardened places of holding began to open up. The womb’s wounds are comprised of the memories and emotions that create our mistrust of life and others. The womb space is present in both men and women and the more we alchemize the emotions and scars hidden there, the more the creative force of love can flow through us. Womb alchemy awakens our inspiration, our sense of stability and openness to a loving relationship. As the womb became the container for the alchemy of love to occur, a new level of healing was infusing my entire system.
And I discovered something extraordinary. That LOVE is the key to alchemy. It’s the strongest force I’ve encountered and probably ever will encounter. Even better, Love IS the kundalini, the energetic life force, that moves through our body and all things, triggering our enlightenment. In short LOVE IS ORGASMIC LIFE FORCE.
Love became something that was tangible. It was real. It made me feel soft and luminous. It helped me feel and sense others through a different lens like I had grown some new antennas. The fire that I had felt in my heart, and then all over my body, was a form of awakening. Whether you decide to wake up one part of you or all of you at once, the transformation feels like an intelligent flashlight searching through you and illuminating every last hiding place. Love burns relentlessly.
I finally found my reframe. Self-love is hot. It’s sexy. It burns with the fire of your soul. It feels like heat running through your veins. It feels like everything is alive, raw and electric and it comes from a source of light that never runs out. It never runs out so there is always enough to give more of it and the more you give out the more it comes back. Alchemy is to be experienced…not theorized on, and ultimately through experiencing it in my own body I was able to uncover the deepest truth. Love is the gold. It’s the purest form of un-interrupted cosmic flow. Love is power because it has the potential to transform fear and hatred and resentment. Love is power because it has the capacity to wake up our entire system.
If you’re feeling that this flow of energy is interrupted within you, you may have some blockages in your heart or in your womb. If you are experiencing sadness, discomfort or disconnection from yourself, here are 3 simple techniques that will help you center and begin your own process of love alchemy:
1. Connect to your heart. Sit cross-legged, or in lotus position. Let yourself land in your body. Feel the energy from the Earth rise up into your body. You may want to establish if it feels like red, orange, like blood or mercury… allow yourself to really feel the nourishing and centering energy of Mother Earth as she takes over your body. Begin to notice the sensations in your heart. Energy follows awareness so put your exquisite attention on your heart and feel the sensations there increase. Does it feel tingly, rough, electric, smooth? Giving it a tangible frame of reference will help it ground in your body and increase the feeling. Imagine there is a pink rose at the center of your heart, and from it emanates radiant cosmic life force. Ask your heart what it wants you to know. Let it speak through the rose.
2. Connect your heart and your womb. Now bring all of that sensation from your heart down into your womb space, just under your navel point. Allow it to merge with all the feelings inside the womb, and the red energy from Mother Earth. Allow some time for the earth and heart energy to merge. Breathe into your belly. Your womb is now a crucible for healing.
3. Let love flow. Begin to express this cultivated energy within your body through movement. Follow the sensation inside and outside the boundaries of your physical body. Slow and fascinated are the key words here. Go slow – when you feel the sensation rise, go even slower and feel the power of your orgasmic life force as it expands through and beyond your body. Stay fascinated – follow your body with curiosity to wherever it wants to go and follow your pleasure! Give this love in motion full expression!
An alchemist, and we are all alchemists here, is able to turn everything into love. So I encourage you all to be where you are. To be exactly where you are. In whatever part of your body the awakening is taking place and turn it all into love.